For my brothers Carl and (Johann) Beethoven,

O ye men who think or say that I am malevolent, stubborn or misanthropic, how greatly do ye wrong me, you do not know the secret causes of my seeming, from childhood my heart and mind were disposed to the gentle feelings of good will, I was even ever eager to accomplish great deeds, but reflect now that for six years I have been a hopeless case, aggravated by senseless physicians, cheated year after year in the hope of improvement, finally compelled to face the prospect of a lasting malady (whose cure will take years or, perhaps, be impossible), born with an ardent and lively temperament, even susceptible to the diversions of society, I was compelled early to isolate myself, to live in loneliness, when I at times tried to forget all this, O how harshly was I repulsed by the doubly sad experience of my bad hearing, and yet it was impossible for me to say to men speak louder, shout, for I am deaf.

Ah how could I possibly admit such an infirmity in the one sense which should have been more perfect in me than in others, a sense which I once possessed in highest perfection, a perfection such as few surely in my profession enjoy or have enjoyed - O I cannot do it, therefore forgive me when you see me draw back when I would gladly mingle with you, my misfortune is doubly painful because it must lead to my being misunderstood, for me there can be no recreations in society of my fellows, refined intercourse, mutual exchange of thought, only just as little as the greatest needs command may I mix with society.

I must live like an exile, if I approach near to people a hot terror seizes upon me, a fear that I may be subjected to the danger of letting my condition be observed - thus it has been during the past year which I spent in the country, commanded by my intelligent physician to spare my hearing as much as possible, in this almost meeting my natural disposition, although I sometimes ran counter to it yielding to my inclination for society, but what a humiliation when one stood beside me and heard a flute in the distance and I heard nothing, or someone heard the shepherd singing and again I heard nothing, such incidents brought me to the verge of despair, but little more and I would have put an end to my life - only art it was that withheld me, ah it seemed impossible to leave the world until I had produced all that I felt called upon me to produce, and so I endured this wretched existence - truly wretched, an excitable body which a sudden change can throw from the best into the worst state - Patience - it is said that I must now choose for my guide, I have done so, I hope my determination will remain firm to endure until it please the inexorable Parcae to bread the thread, perhaps I shall get better, perhaps not, I am prepared.

Forced already in my 28th year to become a philosopher, O it is not easy, less easy for the artist than for anyone else - Divine One thou lookest into my inmost soul, thou knowest it, thou knowest that love of man and desire to do good live therein. O men, when some day you read these words, reflect that ye did me wrong and let the unfortunate one comfort himself and find one of his kind who despite all obstacles of nature yet did all that was in his power to be accepted among worthy artists and men.

You my brothers Carl and [Johann] as soon as I am dead if Dr. Schmid is still alive ask him in my name to describe my malady and attach this document to the history of my illness so that so far as possible at least the world may become reconciled with me after my death. At the same time I declare you two to be the heirs to my small fortune (if so it can be called), divide it fairly, bear with and help each other, what injury you have done me you know was long ago forgiven.

To you brother Carl I give special thanks for the attachment you have displayed towards me of late. It is my wish that your lives be better and freer from care than I have had, recommend virtue to your children, it alone can give happiness, not money, I speak from experience, it was virtue that upheld me in misery, to it next to my art I owe the fact that I did not end my life with suicide.

Farewell and love each other - I thank all my friends, particularly Prince Lichnowsky and Professor Schmid - I desire that the instruments from Prince L. be preserved by one of you but let no quarrel result from this, so soon as they can serve you better purpose sell them, how glad will I be if I can still be helpful to you in my grave - with joy I hasten towards death - if it comes before I shall have had an opportunity to show all my artistic capacities it will still come too early for me despite my hard fate and I shall probably wish it had come later - but even then I am satisfied, will it not free me from my state of endless suffering? Come when thou will I shall meet thee bravely.

Farewell and do not wholly forget me when I am dead, I deserve this of you in having often in life thought of you how to make you happy, be so ---

Heiglnstadt,

October 6th, 1802

Ludwig van Beethoven

路德維格·范·貝多芬(1770-1827) 德國(guó)作曲家，他是從古典音樂(lè)向浪漫主義音樂(lè)過(guò)渡時(shí)期最杰出的作曲家，也是人類(lèi)歷史上最偉大的藝術(shù)家之一。他有著卓越的音樂(lè)天賦、熾熱的叛逆氣質(zhì)和巨人般頑強(qiáng)不屈的個(gè)性。他一生命運(yùn)坎坷，1801年開(kāi)始失去聽(tīng)力，到1819年完全耷了。對(duì)視音樂(lè)為生命的貝多芬來(lái)說(shuō)，沒(méi)有什么比這更沉重的打擊了，但他依然頑強(qiáng)地同命運(yùn)斗爭(zhēng)。本文是他在海格倫斯塔德對(duì)他兄弟們立下的遺囑，其中向他們?cè)V說(shuō)了了愈來(lái)愈無(wú)法掩蓋的病情和他耳聾后的絕望和痛苦。作者后來(lái)在1824和1827年，也是他去世的那年又分別立了兩份遺囑。

海格倫斯塔德遺囑

路德維格·范·貝多芬

我的兄弟卡爾和(約翰)貝多芬，

噢，兄弟們，你們說(shuō)我心存怨恨、固執(zhí)又憤世嫉俗，你們對(duì)我的誤解是多么深啊!你們不知道我外表背后隱藏的苦衷。自幼我性情溫純善良，甚至也渴望著想做一番大事業(yè)。可是你們不想想，六年了，我都處在絕望中，愚蠢的醫(yī)生使我的病情更重，年復(fù)一年，我盼著身體能好轉(zhuǎn)，可是總是希望落空，最終被迫面對(duì)終身殘疾的命運(yùn)(治好這種病需要很多年，或者也可能永遠(yuǎn)治不好)。我天性熱情、活躍，喜歡社交，可是如今年紀(jì)輕輕卻被迫離群索居，與世隔絕。我耳朵聾了，我也不能因?yàn)槲沂敲@子而要求別人大聲對(duì)我說(shuō)話，或是對(duì)我喊!每當(dāng)我想忘記我所有的不幸時(shí)，這雙倍的痛苦體驗(yàn)總是冷酷地把我拒絕。

啊!你叫我怎么能讓別人知道我的聽(tīng)覺(jué)出了問(wèn)題了呢!我的聽(tīng)覺(jué)理應(yīng)比別人要更靈敏的多啊!而且以前它是完美的，我同行們幾乎沒(méi)人有或者曾經(jīng)有過(guò)那樣完美的聽(tīng)覺(jué)!啊，我做不到!所以，當(dāng)你們看到我避開(kāi)不與你們說(shuō)話時(shí)，請(qǐng)?jiān)徫遥鋵?shí)我很想與你們說(shuō)話。我的病必然會(huì)引起別人對(duì)我的誤解，這讓我倍加痛苦。對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，我再也不能享受那種朋友們?cè)谝黄鸾涣?、切磋思想的?lè)趣了，而且除非實(shí)在免不了，我總是避免和外界接觸。

我不得不活著像個(gè)流放的人，要是我接近人群，恐懼就會(huì)涌上心頭，唯恐別人發(fā)現(xiàn)我病情。 半年來(lái)我就是這樣過(guò)來(lái)的。一位高明的醫(yī)生讓我盡量避免使用聽(tīng)覺(jué)，而也差不多正合我愿，所以這半年來(lái)我一直呆在鄉(xiāng)下。不過(guò)，有時(shí)我也會(huì)違背醫(yī)囑，忍不住想與別人交往，但是，當(dāng)我旁邊的人聽(tīng)到遠(yuǎn)處的笛聲而我卻什么都聽(tīng)不到，或是別人聽(tīng)到牧羊人的歌聲而我又什么都聽(tīng)不到的時(shí)候，那是怎樣一種屈辱的感覺(jué)啊!這些事情讓我瀕臨崩潰，要不是對(duì)藝術(shù)的渴求制止了我，我差不多就要結(jié)束我的生命了。我知道沒(méi)把我命里所有的作品都創(chuàng)造出來(lái)，我是不可能離開(kāi)這個(gè)世界的，所以我忍受這痛苦的生活，真的痛苦啊!我的身體容易激動(dòng)，突然有一點(diǎn)變化，就會(huì)一下子從最好變成最壞。我必須選擇忍耐，別人這么說(shuō)，我也這么做了。希望我有足夠堅(jiān)定的意志來(lái)承受苦難，直到無(wú)情的死神割斷我的生命之線的那天。也許我的病會(huì)好轉(zhuǎn)，也許不會(huì)，對(duì)此我都是有心理準(zhǔn)備的。

28年了，我不得不看空一切，啊，這并不容易，特別是對(duì)一位藝術(shù)家來(lái)說(shuō)。神啊，您深知我的心，您知道我對(duì)人類(lèi)抱有熱愛(ài)，渴望造福于別人，啊，人啊!要是有一天你們讀到這些，別忘了你們?cè)?jīng)對(duì)我不公平;但愿不幸的人，在看到他的一位同類(lèi)不顧所有現(xiàn)實(shí)的障礙而竭盡全力成功躋身于優(yōu)秀的藝術(shù)家與人才之列時(shí)，能得到些許的慰籍。

你們，我的兄弟卡爾，約翰，我死后，要是史密脫教授還活著的話, 以我的名義請(qǐng)他詳細(xì)描述我的病情和患病過(guò)程，再加上現(xiàn)在這封信，這樣至少讓世人在我死后或許能最大程度地重新理解我。同時(shí)我宣布你們是我微薄財(cái)產(chǎn)(如果它可以稱為財(cái)產(chǎn)的話)的繼承人，請(qǐng)公平分配，請(qǐng)你們患難與共。至于你們給我的傷害，你們知道我很早就釋?xiě)蚜恕?/p>

卡爾，弟弟，特別感謝你近來(lái)對(duì)我關(guān)照，愿你們的生活比我幸福，煩惱比我少。請(qǐng)教會(huì)孩子們“道德”的力量，使人幸福的是道德而不是金錢(qián)，這是我的親身體驗(yàn)。在痛苦中支撐我的是道德，我之所以沒(méi)有走極端，除了藝術(shù)，其次我就要?dú)w功于道德。

別了，愿你們相親相愛(ài)。我感謝我所有的朋友們，特別是李赫諾斯基親王和史密特教授。我希望你們倆中的一個(gè)能替我保管李赫諾斯基親王的樂(lè)器，但切勿因此發(fā)生任何爭(zhēng)執(zhí)。當(dāng)你們需要時(shí)請(qǐng)盡管賣(mài)掉它，如果我在九泉之下仍然還能對(duì)你們有所幫助，我會(huì)多么高興啊! 我將坦然迎接死神，但如果在沒(méi)有發(fā)揮出我全部的藝術(shù)才能之前死去，我覺(jué)得太早了，盡管命運(yùn)坎坷，我恐怕還是希望那一天晚一點(diǎn)到來(lái)。不過(guò)，即使早死，我也會(huì)心滿意足的，這樣不就能把我從無(wú)盡的苦難中解脫出來(lái)嗎?你們想什么時(shí)候來(lái)就來(lái)吧，我會(huì)鼓氣勇氣見(jiàn)你們的。

再見(jiàn)了，請(qǐng)不要在我死后把我忘光了，你們不該這樣做，因?yàn)槲以谑罆r(shí)是如此常常想念你們，想著如何讓你們開(kāi)心。

愿你們幸福。